#and im not going to have a panic attack over the fact that i keep having panic attacks over not applying for a job

[elytrafemme]

im turning 19 on tuesday and going out tmrw and had a good day yesterday which means todays misery is only temporary and ill never be sad again soon

[h-ypno]

.

[jaal-ama-daravv]

dissecting the emmrich lich romance argument scene (all routes)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the emmrich romance scene (lich) emmrich x rook cinematic (lich) emmrich x rook cinematic (mortal)

Dissection - Mortal Emmrich Argument Scene Version

Emmrich Romance - Argument Scene (Lich Path)

i love and hate this scene so let's get into it -

keep in mind that even though emmrich is now a lich, his fear of death is still very much alive. emmrich immediately expresses his feelings to rook stating that he hopes that they can stay back abit in the battle. for fear that they will be hurt, or killed.

the second 'No' escapes Rook's lips, Emmrich bows his head with sadness. He wishes that she would heed his words because he is afraid to lose her.

Rook's response infers that she is offended by the request to have her 'stay back aways' during the battle, keeping in mind that this battle is rook's and she has been fighting it this whole time. yet, rook still shows that she cares for emmrich, by asking what brought this on.

emmrich states that he can see the life course through us, but is aware that he will lose us to time. in this one sentence emmrich is telling us that he is afraid of rook dying, he is deathly afraid to lose rook, and thats not even overselling it. Emmrich is afraid he will miss Rook forever and will never get over it.

which quite frankly, he wouldn't.

Divergence - Option 1

Rook responds with 'Oh, Emmrich' - Rook is calm and considerate in this response, knowing his fears are real to him.

even as I am (a lich) the mind (rationality) is a victim of the heart (love for rook, fear of them dying). even as emmrich is a lich, his fear of death is rampart, now mostly transferred to rook. emmrich is calm when spaeaking, but fear can be heard in his voice.

im no fan of this line, but it's what im working with so - it feels, double barrelled. on one hand telling emmrich he is not great at keeping stuff in because he is emotional and has panic attacks, and in the same sentence telling the big softy to not mourn the love of his life forever.

this line is delivered with some condescension, and honestly, valid, as the previous line feels on par with Divergence Path 2, invalidating emmrichs fears/feeling for rook. in saying that, emmrich is trying to plead with rook to be careful.

valid all around - rook wake up and smell that the man loves you immensely please

he can, and will be, because he is in love with you

facts - once again, hello darkness my old friend, its fear of death calling

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

Divergence - Option 2

You ever been mid panic attack and someone cracks a joke? that is exactly emmrichs response and mindset going forward. now watch the anxiety and panic escalate

rook once again, missing the beat, emmrich escalates by reiterating that he is afraid to mourn rook forever. his voice is shaking. this man is breaking his own heart by imaging the death of his beloved. reiterating my point in earlier posts that emmrich, whilst experiencing relationships and love before, hasnt experienced rook and the connection they share. im reiterating my soulmate trope here - and as we continue

i cant defend rook on this point anymore, 3 strikes ur out

defeat slicks off of emmrichs voice as he speaks this line, inferring 'does rook not love me?' 'does she not feel this'

bottom line is rook is in love with emmrich, just as much as he is with her. rook is however pre-occupied with survivng and getting through the battle, whereas emmrich in this moment in knuckled down in black and white thinking - which has been unfortunately backed up by rooks lil jokes. his anger is valid, just as -

Rooks concern with no realsing that Emmrich is having a menty b, is also valid.

both have their defensives up now. rook for upsetting emmrich, and initially being upset at the notion of 'stay back aways in battle' and emmrich for being scared out of his skull that rook will not exist anymore and he has to spend enternity mourning her, also feeling rejected.

Divergence - Option 3

oh jesus -

on god im trying to be non-biased for this but cmon. the man has a gutteral fear of death, he became a lich he was so scared, you were there rook.

valid king

possible, but rook, sweetie, you're being invalidating.

I was gonna make a comment but then -

insert office stare meme

so here - emmrich is clearly tired of trying to explain himself to rook, and rook backfires with just wanting emmrich to be happy, and calling him an idiot. imo, this route is a straight up argument, whilst both path 1 and 2 have some depth to it. I believe it was done this was because when you choose the mortal path for emmrich, it focuses around supporting emmrich to be happy 'in the now', whereas in the lich path, there is no now for emmrich, it is forever, it will always be forever. I believe this path is to show the frustration between rook and emmrich, one being mortal and immortal, whereas the other two paths have a focus of acceptance. whilst not there yet, its apparent.

All routes lead to -

rook has now said something to akin of a personal insult to emmrich, which then leads rook to 'snapping out of it' as their face changes to disbelief 'oh my did I just say that' aka regret, with Emmrich bowing his head and saying "Rook, I..." in response. Rook states that they should pack as they have to leave soon.

if biowares goal was to have me fear for mine and emmrichs life in the upcoming mission, they succeeded.

All routes leave emmrich feeling scared and confused as he looks to the gorund, holding his hands together -

and rook mumbling under their breath, with confusing and 'ugh, i just wanna shake him and kiss him energy' - rook recognises that emmrich is afraid, and their faults in the conversation.

all in all, this is a touch scene, because it is evident how scared they both are and just want the other to survive so they can be safely back home together. the lich version is more centered around death and mourning as they have alreayd broached the l word, where in the mortal version, you can essentially call emmrich a coward. a very heart breaking scene, which adds numerous layers of depth to emmrich and rook as characters who have flaws but are still loved.

imo, i stand tall that emmrich and rook are in love with eachother and it becomes more evident in the next scene. they have this soulmate type of love, the kind where you would hang off the side of a cliff, hanging on by the strength of your index finger if it meant you could save them. the type of love where one look speaks a thousand words. the type of love that a lich lord would go rogue trying to bring their dead love back.

to add on to the soulmate lover trope this snippet from the Flame Eternal short story feat. Emmrich & Johanna where they are burying a deceased lover with another.

"Johanna snorted. “All that fury, ending in another grave.” “Oh, I don’t know.” Emmrich ran a hand along the coffin’s snowy marble. “It would be rather fine to possess such an enduring affection. Besides, you did see this through.”

Emmrich YEARNS for love. YEARNS. He has yearned for the type of love him and Rook have for over 20 years, at least. THE MAN IS RUNNING HIS FINGER ALONG A COFFIN AND ROMANTICING IT. Romanticising possibly, loving someone so much that he is buried with them (quote flashback to Hezenkoss in the final boss battle of "Ill make sure to bury you and your new lover together", now has more depth) or loving someone so much that love would be eternal together, that type of love where you want to be buried together. for over 20 years he has yearned for this love, and he has found it in the middle of the end of the world. please note that emmrich has a fear of abandonement as well like, huge. oh and add in the comment made by Harding in game about Rook and Emmrich moving too fast, please there is only one trope that goes from 0-100 real fucking fast.

Sending thanks to @galedekarios for sharing a conversation between Davrin and Emmrich, here. This post adds a tremendous amount of depth to this argument conversation. I 100% AGREE with Gale's depiction of 'Emmrich not being equipped for lichdom' because it makes sense. If you think back to the lichdom decision scene and dissection, we mentioned how Emmrich had everything he needs to do lichdom. No?? Clearly not. look at what we have just dissected. Then further on the man is practically on his knees begging rook to be careful, telling them that he will find them in another world. In the event of Rooks death, Emmrich would go rogue. He would lose it. Yes, he is a kind and gentle soul, but he has that fire in him. A protective, and obsessive power that he would do anything to bring back his love.

Additionally, Emmrich grew up poor. This would impact his view on society and love. But more impactfully, it would impact his view on himself. His self-worth. Emmrich likely thinks he doesnt deserve this type of love. Hence the attempt to push Rook away and act over-suave at times.

considering dragon age veilguard is centered around the theme of regret, it is no suprise that saying things you regret have showed up in this game, particularly before the eve of battle and impending doom.

ill have the romance scene dissection soon for you hungry necromancer lovers - ill likely do the mortal versions as well

[rafeandonlyrafe]

escape from isla nublar

words: 2.6k

warnings: jurassic world alternate universe, dinosaurs, violence, brief mentions of gore (but not detailed), illusions of sex but not actually written out, established relationship, soft!rafe, death tw, proposal, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks

a/n: im having a lot of fun with writing aus, so here! take another one!

“thank you so much for bringing me here, rafe.” you coo out, getting onto your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.

rafes arm slides around your waist, keeping you tugged in close as the boat approaches the dock of the island. you squeal along with all the children gathered around impatient and ready to jump off the boat and explore.

“welcome to isla nublar!” the voice of a friendly sounding woman says over the speakers. “please disembark slowly and carefully and enjoy your stay in jurassic park!”

“baby, can i just say-” rafe begins as the crowd shuffles forward, most with bags in their hands or suitcases being wheeled behind them, but rafe has already arranged to have them brought to your room so you can get right to exploring. 

“mhm.” you hum, encouraging him to continue.

“that you've been so chill this entire trip so far. proud of you.” it might sound weird to anyone else, but you've always gotten nervous when leaving your home for too long, worried something bad would happen. rafe saw it on your first trip he took you on where you tried and very much failed to hide your anxiety.

“im so excited there's like no room for nerves.” you giggle as you walk down the gangway. “and the fact that you let me plan everything. you know how much i love a schedule.”

“we are so different.” rafe shakes his head, hand squeezing yours as you step into the concrete, turning away from the crowds heading to the resort and towards the main street and the iconic innovation center.

“opposites attract.” you state, and it couldn't be more true, but rafe loves you more than he could ever envision caring about someone.

as you round the lagoon, trying to see if you're able to catch a glimpse of the giant mosasaurs in its depths, you feel your excitement levels only elevate more.

“oh my gosh, there's the petting zoo entrance.” you turn and pout to rafe.

“isn't that mostly for kids?” he raises a singular eyebrow.

“i mean yeah, but you also get to pet baby dinosaurs. totally worth it.” you tug him towards the entrance.

--

“okay.” you sigh, placing your hands on your hips. “i guess we should slow down so we have things to do for the rest of the trip.” 

“im already exhausted.” rafe chuckles. “how about dinner then to the hotel?”

as tired as rafe is, he's certainly not going to complain about being run around isla nublar when he gets to see the gleaming smile on your face every time he looks at you.

“sounds good… we could go to winstons steak house,” you point in one direction, then the other “jurassic cafe, or the brachiosaurus restaurant.”

“how about whatever is closest.” rafe rubs his hand over his face.

“okay steak house it is.” it's your turn to take rafes hand. 

he barely manages to stay awake through dinner, and by the time you're back at the hotel, he's passed out on the bed before he can change into his pajamas.

--

“what would you like to do today?” you ask rafe. “anything but that hang gliding, you know how i feel about heights.”

“the gyrospheres look fun.” rafe shrugs and looks at the map pulled up on your phone. “or kayaking.”

“why not both.” you toss your phone to the side and cup rafes cheek, bringing your lips together in a kiss.

“you're the best boyfriend ever.”

rafe places a hand on your shoulder and pushes you down onto the mattress, laying you back.

“we can wait a little bit though, right?” the smirk on his face gives him away.

“i think that would be fine.” you giggle, pulling rafes shirt off over his head.

--

“that was actually so fun.” you hum out.

“it was when you let me drive and we could finally go fast.” rafe says. you were halfway through the gyrosphere tour when you handed the controls over to rafe, allowing him to speed through the ankylosaurus herds.

“but we will not be doing that on the kayak.” you hold your finger up.

“yes ma’am.” rafe says, slipping the attendant a $20 bill to move you to the front of the line, not wanting you to have to wait.

“life vest.” rafe says, slipping it over your head while he just grabs his and throws it into the kayak, not planning on putting it on unless something happens.

rafe helps you step down into the kayak, grabbing the paddle knowing he's going to sit in the back and do all the work.

--

“this is so beautiful.” you say, leaning back into your seat as you look at the stegosaurus and it's long neck reaching up to grab the leaves, his feet submerged in the water as you paddle past.

“this might be even better than the velociraptors.” rafe says.

“wait-” you sit up. “whats that sound? is that a radio?”

it takes a second for rafes ears to pick it up, but he can hear the frantic static of voices over a walkie talkie.

rafe continues to paddle, realizing suddenly that you've separated from all the other kayaks and can't see anyone. he brings the kayak closer to the side when he hears the radio as you reach out to pick it up from the muddy bank.

you turn the volume knob up as you try to make out what the voice is saying through the water logged speaker.

“we sent the containment unit out with nonlethal force and they're all dead! immediate evacuation, get everyone inside and back to the hotel!”

“rafe…” you turn towards him, eyes widening in fear.

“im sure it's just some kid pulling a prank.” rafe takes the radio, finding the speech button and pressing it. “what is going on?”

“who is that? this is an authorized channel.” one voice says before another cuts it out.

“whoever you are, seek shelter immediately. the indominus rex is on the loose, currently heading towards-” the radio sparks and then dies out.

“shit.” rafe hits it against his thigh, but it's clearly no use.

“rafe.” your voice is already shaking. “the indominus rex. i don't know what it is, but it doesn't sound good.”

“okay.” rafe stands up and steps out of the kayak, pulling it onto the bank before helping you out. “baby-” he places his hands on your shoulders. “i need you to stay calm. you know this island like the back of your hand. where are we?”

“we-” you take a deep, shaking breath. “we are halfway through the kayak adventure. we should head just west and find the road to the aviary.”

“okay.” rafe presses a kiss to your forehead. “let's go quickly and quietly. im sure they've already contained whatever dinosaur escaped.”

“yeah.” you nod, gulping, not so sure.

rafes steady hand stays in yours, helping you over bushes and downed trees.

“shouldn't be much farther.” you bite your lip, hoping you didn't get the direction wrong.

“hang on.” rafe whispers, placing a finger over his lips. 

before you can fully comprehend what's happening, he's tugging you down under a giant tropical plant, the leaves hiding you as you hear whatever rafe did, the pounding footsteps of dinosaurs.

“that's the stegosaurus we saw earlier.” you remember the distinct marking along its side.

“get over here.” rafe pulls you in tighter, not allowing you to see as he presses you against the stem of the large plant, covering your body with his own.

“it's okay, it's a herbivore.” you say, when you hear the second set of dinosaur footsteps following it. you tense up, and you can feel a panic attack setting in as you pick your head up to see some sort of giant rex running after it.

you both stay still and silent until it's clearly far enough away.

“rafe.” you tremble as you turn into your back, his body still hovering over yours, protecting you, willing to put himself in the line of danger if he needs to.

“it's okay.” his voice is betraying how scared he is as well, but he's going to try his best to not let you see it. “let's just get to the aviary.”

“i-i can't.” you shake your head. “im fucking terrified.” 

“me too, baby.” he says. “but we gotta get under cover somewhere before that thing catches up to the stegosaurus and comes back for us.”

you swallow deeply, eyes closing for a brief minute, gaining all your courage you possibly can.

“okay.” you're up and moving quickly, running towards the aviary. your steps are no longer balanced and cautious, moving quickly through the jungle until you make it through the trees to the grassy plane.

“the aviary!” you point at the large glass dome, just in time to see a helicopter careening into it, smashing a hole that instantly has pterodactyls flying out.

“shit!” rafe shouts, tugging you back into the treeline.

“we're gonna die.” you sob out, not able to hold back your tears as you crumple to the ground.

“no.” rafe says firmly. “i will not lose you.”

he knows he needs to move, especially as the pterodactyls come closer, and he doesn't have time to console you enough to get you ready to move.

rafe reaches down and pulls you into his arms, hugging your shaking form against his chest as he follows the same path of disturbed leaves and muddy footprints back to the river.

“i need you to paddle.” rafe says, glad your kayak is still in the same space. “i know you're scared, but you need to help me here. we need to go fast.”

you sniffle and look up at rafe, your big eyes filled with tears causing his heart to pang out in pain. “okay.”

rafe bends down, pressing your lips together in a soft and caressing kiss before climbing onto the back of the kayak.

you both immediately begin to paddle hastily, not knowing where the next meat eating dinosaur could be.

“the river goes underground then should let us off near main street.” you tell rafe, eyes briefly closing to envision the map in your head before putting your entire focus back onto paddling.

“baby, still.” rafe says softly, both of you pausing as you look upwards, seeing pterodactyls wings flapping over, thankfully not seeming to notice you under the treetops, yet you still wait until they pass over before beginning to paddle again.

“there's the cave.” you say, pointing as the river bends and you head underground, lights strung along the cave ceiling as you paddle underground, able to take a deep breath now that you're under cover.

“are there any dinosaurs in this cave?” rafe questions, helping you move back so you're leaned against him. 

“shouldn't be.” you say, eyes closing as your adrenaline drops now that you're mostly safe.

“go ahead and rest.” rafe hums as he paddles, looking down at you in relief.

--

“y/n.” rafe shakes your shoulder and you sit up with a gasp, looking around, waiting to see the indominus rex charging at you.

“it's okay.” rafe says. “we're just leaving the cave.”

“so that wasn't all just a nightmare?” you sit up, knowing you must not have been asleep that long, but already feeling majorly refreshed.

“im afraid not.” rafe sighs as you grab your paddle to help steer.

“so this let's out…”

“near the resort. we should be safe there.” you squint into the dying sunlight as the kayak leaves the caves and enters into the large man-made lake.

you both quickly steer to the side, glad to be out of the kayak and on your own two feet.

“to the resort.” you say, able to tell that there are still people running from main street in that direction.

rafe is about to toss the paddle back into the boat when a screech comes from overhead and you both look up to see a pterodactyl perched over cave entrance.

“run!” rafe yells, not turning his back from the dinosaur to see that you haven't moved an inch, not leaving him.

the pterodactyl lunges forward just as rafe swings his paddle at it, hitting it in the beak, but it only enrages the dinosaur more.

you move quickly to grab your paddle, joining rafe in hitting at it, keeping the snapping beak away from pecking at your skin.

“baby, go.” rafe grunts out.

“no! im not leaving you.” you keep slapping at its beak and head until it gets annoyed and roars before taking off to the sky.

“fuck.” rafe groans. “i hate dinosaurs. sorry baby.”

“that's okay.” you say with a slight laugh. “i don't think i like them that much anymore either.”

you take off towards the resort, keeping your oars held tightly in your hands, just in case any pterodactyls try something.

“onto the ship or into the resort?” you question, seeing people trying to get into both.

rafe opens his mouth to respond when a roar rips through the air.

he looks around quickly, pulling you into taller grass, not having any other close cover.

“some of the gates must be down.” you whisper.

“why?” rafe questions, not doubting you as his eyes search through the field before you point at the crowd of people, even more frantic as you watch from a distance.

“because there's a metriacanthosaurus.”

the name makes rafe blink harshly before he sees it, the dinosaur flinging people around as it takes advantage of the hoards of people trying to get to cover.

“oh my god.” you cover your mouth, watching as the carnivore rips someone in half.

“don't watch.” rafe pulls you further into the grass, tucking you against his chest.

you close your eyes and focus on his arm wrapped around your shoulder instead of the screams.

“i got you.” rafe whispers, free hand tapping his shorts to make sure the box is still there in his pocket.

“i know.” you press your lips into his neck. “i know.”

gunshots ring out and rafe looks out of the grass to see that the dinosaur has finally brought down and everyone is safely inside.

“okay, let's run.” rafe helps you stand, deciding to head towards the boat instead of the hotel, knowing it's just one step closer to getting you safe.

you take off in a run, entering up the gangway you went down just yesterday morning.

“inside the cabin.” one of the staff says quickly, ushering you through the glass doors into the packed hallway of people, but rafe keeps moving, tucking you into him until you're towards the front of the boat, able to move up a level and find a place to sit down.

“we're okay.” you say as you relax into the sofa. “we’re alive.”

“i love you.” rafe says, head dropping to your shoulder. “im never talking you on another vacation like this again, but i love you.”

“and i thought you were protective before.” you chuckle, breathing out heavily.

“really ruined my whole plan though.” rafe knows that you both just experienced a trauma that will no doubt need to be unpacked later, but you're just happy to be safe inside the cruise ship.

“what plan?” you lift your head up.

“not the best time but-” rafe sits up and pulls a box out of his pocket. “i planned to ask you in front of the waterfall, all romantic and sweet. but i don't want to waste a single moment longer.”

rafe flicks the top of the box up to reveal a glimmering ring. “will you marry me?”

you let out a squeal and jump into rafes arms, “yes!”

sfw tags: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen @drewsephrry @wearemadeofstardust0

[miruac]

dating tenya iida headcanons - part three

masterlist

navigation

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warnings: extremely self indulgent, not proofread, reverse comfort!!! for iida!!! because even an uptight strong person like him has his moments!!!!

a/n: you guys are EATING these headcanons up...thank you to all of you who like my content, im so glad that theres actually people who like iida as much as i do out there <333 also i will be creating a taglist for this series, so please send me a request if youd like to be added!!

this headcanon popped up into my head as i was taking off my mascara today but like if youre too tired to, iida will gladly take off your makeup for you

he does it so softly and gently im gonna sob

while doing so he's whispering sweet nothings to you(EXCEPT HE MEANS EVERYTHING)

"you're so gorgeous. *wipe* everything about you intrigues me. *wipe*. im so glad that you let me be with you. *wipe* "wait-why are you crying??"

he's such a good cuddler guys omg

going back to my headcanon on how he's touchstarved, it takes a while for him to open up to cuddling

hes worried that he'll act inappropriately and would fear if something he did anything to you

but slowly and surely he warmed up, and now almost everyday you guys are just lounging in each others arms

he's a little stiff, but he figures how you like to be cuddled and he also enjoys it

as long as he's with you he'll be okay

iidas a gossiper. no one argue with me

he won't create false rumours

but he keeps an open ear, and ALWAYS happens to overhear the drama

when he tells you everything he knows your jaw DROPS

because no way does someone so goody goody like him talks shit

but its okay you guys have like designated days to spill everything you know to each other

probably over some snacks too while youre at it

reverse comfort time!!! because our big hunk has his moments too!!!!

during the stain incident, he had so many breakdowns

over his brothers condition, his familys wellbeing, the fact that his brother was actually attacked by a villain

but the major thing was that iida was the successor to ingenium

growing up he knew he was gonna become ingenium at some point, but he didn't think it would be this early

he had a panic attack in the middle of the night, about whether he was worthy enough to actually BE ingenium

in the middle of the night, he knocked on your door

you opened it to find iida with his hair all messy, glasses slanted and almost falling off his nose, while he had tear streaks running down his eyes

when he sees you, he's apologizing profusely under his breath(he's scared he's bothering you :()

"imsorryiknowitslateandireallyshouldntbeherebutididntknowwhattodoand-" "iida?" "iknowimbreakingsomerulesrightnowandiknowiwillhavetofacetheconsequences-" "iida?" "butididntknowwhereelsetogoand-" "iida. you're spiraling, come inside."

he almost crumbles when you let him in, as he trudges to sit on your bed whilst wiping his face

you hand him a bottle of water while you sit next to him, ears open

seeing him cry made your heart crack a little bit, because iida doesn't cry unless he's under an insane amount of pressure

he slowly opened up about how he felt unprepared to become the new ingenium heir in such a short time and if he really was worthy of taking the name for himself

all while you held his hand and listened intently

you two ended up cuddling, you lying down while he had his head on your chest and his arms around you

your fingers were playing with his hair as you were reassuring him through all of it, and he realized he likes his hair to be played with

"y/n?" "hmm?" "thank you." "of course, tenya."

the next morning you got to class and on your desk was a little origami flower with a little note from iida as a thank you

he HATES arguing

he hates it so much he doesn't like getting angry in general, especially at you

when you guys have your first argument he doesn't really know what to say because this is his first relationship, and he wasn't sure how to navigate his feelings

but he never snaps ever; at most his voice gets a little bit louder and his tone is a little more rushed

he never wants to raise his voice at you, so he goes off alone for a little while to cool his head. then, if both of you are ready he'll try his best to tell you his persepective of things

after almost a year of dating, he's more open with showing pda but still gets a little shy

its time!!! to meet the family!!!! tensei has heard of you through iida, and you two have met briefly when you visited him in the hospital with iida

you're a bit scared that his parents won't like you or will think you aren't good enough for their son but theyre not like that at all!!!

he brings you home during the break between first year to second year

when you got to his place your jaw DROPPED

sure hes the brother of ingenium a famed hero but this mans house is NICE(like this as an example but a lot of backyard space)

its not like extravagant but big enough to make you question the amount of money you have in your bank account

he squeezes your hand reassuringly to calm your nerves before you go inside

when you guys go inside, you're greeted by his mother and his brother

his dad was at the agency clearing up some paperwork

his mom is so sweet im gonna cry

she's so welcoming and very patient with you, and she gladly shakes your hand and even welcomes you with a hug

she shows you to the room where you're staying for the time being, and when you get to the room your jaw drops even MORE

it has its own bathroom, the bed is huge, and theres so much lounging space

not to mention the view??? ok im done yapping about houses

theres a special pyjama set on the bed and slippers for you

during dinner you guys converse about how you and iida met, and how life is at ua

after dinner you and his mom gossiped about work stories and stories of raising iida

she showed you baby pictures of him and oh my god HE WAS SO CUTEE

when he first got his engines i headcanon he didnt know how to stop and he hit the wall.....so theres just a picture of a baby iida shaped dent in the wall

your new nickname for him after seeing that was "wall wrecker"

his dad came home a little later and greeted you with a firm handshake

it was a little scary meeting his dad but he seemed to be pleased, just a little quiet and strict

iida showed you to your room when it got late and gave you a little goodnight hug and peck on the cheek

"thank you for letting me bring you home. i hope my mother isn't too...overbearing."

HES SO CUTE IM GONNA CRY

the next day he took you out on a little picnic date at this park

held you in his arms while you watched the petals fall im SICK TO MY STOMACH

he after the picnic he took you out to dinner at this higher fancy restaurant

he held your hand the entire time im gonna barf hes so cute

ignored all your requests to split the bill and he paid the full thing(eat the rich im gonna eat HIM)

you guys watched the sunset while walking home and it was so nice to spend the day with him

the entire day he was telling you stories of the places he took you

he literally never let go of your hand during the day, but his face was still a little red <3 i love him so much im gonna sob

"everytime i look at you im stunned by your beauty. you're even more radiant than those sakura leaves, darling."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: WAHHHHH HES SO CUTE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYY

guys i know youve all been looking forward to part 3 but lowk this one was a little rushed and last minute but i hope it lives up to your expectations :3 nuubiii signing off!!!

[catalinaromanoff]

changing alongside the seasons

natasha romanoff x pyrokinetic reader

summary: i touched a bit on natasha and y/n’s dynamic change in my first work, overheated, but i wanted to go more in depth! PLEASE REQUEST STUFF!!!!

warnings: mission injury/stitching, mean nat, panic attack, self conscious thoughts

детка (detka) = babe

y/h = your hair type (waves, curls, braids, etc.)

winter:

“and it’s so hard. and it’s cold here.” (iykyk)

i groan as i hear tony’s unbelievably chafing voice again. for the third time in about the last ten minutes, he has complained about the cold surrounding us.

we were currently on a stakeout mission out in russia. tony and i had separated from the group in order to keep an eye on more ground, but obviously that was a mistake. due to my pyrokinetic abilities, i couldn’t even feel the freezing temperatures tony was complaining about. unfortunately for me, tony was making sure i was aware about how agonizing it was.

of course they would leave the most annoying person outside in freezing russian winter weather.

to be honestly i was a bit skeptical at the fact that he was truly that cold. he was the one with the super cool and techy suit, and i was clad in just my regular hero suit. no jacket, no snowboots, just me and my body. i mean it makes sense considering im a portable heater.

tony and i were currently crouched behind a huge tree log that had fallen over who knows how long ago. tony was sitting criss crossed with his back against the trunk while i was crouched. i would peek over the trunk every once in a while waiting for the signal to ambush. i envied steve, natasha, clint, and wanda. they were inside. away from tony stark.

“cmon y/n, spare me a bit of your demon powers. i think the world is gonna miss my ass if it so happens to freeze off while we’re out here.”

i roll my eyes.

“do you ever shut up? we’re supposed to be paying attention and making sure we dont miss the signal-“

“yea that’s cute and all, but i’m freezing. now cmon, lend me a bit of warmth.”

i scoff and send a glare his way.

“is that really how you’re gonna ask me? and anyway, how will i even be able to heat you up through that clunky suit you have on??”

there’s a beat of silence. finally.

however the silence doesn’t last long. i spot steve up on the rooftop of the hydra facility giving us the signal. i dont know who came up with it, but i giggle at steve trying to do a bird motion.

“let’s go tony, time to beat up some bad guys.”

~~

okay sooo the bad guys ended up beating us.

it’s funny now that i think about it. like they literally ambushed us when we were supposed to be ambushing them.

anyway, the mission group was currently sitting quietly in the quinjet. clint was piloting the jet while natasha was co-piloting. wanda currently sat next to me on one of the very big seats on the quinjet. something tony said about having “maximum beauty sleep room.” speaking of tony, he was thankfully sleeping at a desk located across from where me and wanda were sitting. why there was a desk there instead of a coach of some sort is beyond me. anyway, he looked silly. his mouth was open, he was snoring, and probably worst of all: drooling.

definitely not a contender for a live action sleeping beauty movie.

i place my focus back on wanda and stitching up a pretty nasty cut she had received on her right thigh. i was about halfway through when i hear some chittering. the others were obviously cold because they had been dragged through snow, which was why they opted to wear jackets and sweaters even though we were inside. but of course, natasha refused. she used her usual excuse of russians being immune to the cold.

i look over at natasha and just like i had suspected: she was shivering.

“hey baby?”

she doesn’t look over at me but instead keeps her eyes in front of her. caught red-handed.

“yes?”

“are you sure you don’t need a jacket or a sweater? something? maybe you could come over here and i could warm you up a bit.”

natasha furrows her eyebrows and shakes her head no.

“but i’m not cold?”

“my love, you are shivering. me and wanda can hear your chattering teeth from all the way over here.”

steve suddenly steps out of the quinjet’s bathroom.

“i agree with y/n, nat. i couldn’t do my business without listening to your chittering.”

i mouth the words “thank you” over to steve. he in turn gives me his signature bright smile and thumbs up.

“just let me finish wanda’s stitches and i’ll be able to hold you, okay?”

natasha hums and i can tell she is not happy.

“also, do me a favor and wipe that frown off of your face.”

i hear clint let out a little belly laugh at my comment and gives natasha a little smack on the arm.

“she got you there.”

around five minutes later i finish up with wanda and make sure nothing else is bothering her.

“alright babe, you’re good. if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

wanda gives me a tired smile and nods.

“will do. thanks y/n.”

i watch as wanda walks across the quinjet and sets herself up to take a nap across two of the seats. once i make sure she has settled and is comfortable, i look over at natasha. i can tell she can feel my eyes burning into the back of her head, but being the stubborn woman that she is, ignores my staring.

“nat. cmere.”

nothing. i realize im gonna have to drag her over here the hard way.

i make my way over to where she is seated and stand behind her. my arms wrap around her shoulders and i stuff my face into her neck. im not too worried about my pyrokinesis considering she was nearly blue from how cold she was. a little heat wouldn’t hurt her.

i feel my body start to heat up and i decide to push her buttons a little. by blowing a bit of my breath on her neck i’ve succeeded in making tiny little goosebumps appear on her skin. i smile into her neck and place a few kisses on her neck.

just when she is getting used to the warm treatment, i pull away.

the groan i hear natasha let out is one of the greatest sounds in the world. i win.

“i don’t see why you need me, considering you’re not cold, ms russian spy.”

i know natasha is staring at me as i make my way back to the seat i had been residing in for the beginning of our flight. i close my eyes and wait for her to come to me.

much like i had anticipated, i feel a presence make itself imminent on my lap. i giggle as natasha puts her face in my neck much like i had done to her a few minutes prior. she lets her feet dangle over my lap and the seat.

“so much for not being cold, huh?”

nat blows raspberries on my skin which causes me to heat up. cheater.

nonetheless i wrap my arms around her and hold her tight to my chest. i let myself relax as i feel our breathing begin to sync up. i gaze down at natasha to see her piercing green eyes already looking at me. she leans up and we share a heartfelt kiss. i knew nat wasn’t always herself after missions and needed extra support, which explained why she was so comfortable with doing this stuff in front of our teammates. it was so cute.

we pull away from each other when we both run out of air. i pull back a bit and rub my nose against hers. we both giggle and i heat up my body more. nat in turn crawls further into me. her arms are now pressed against her chest and she moved her feet so that they were now on the outer side of my left thigh. it was perfect.

“i love you nat.”

i feel natasha hum against my neck. she begins kissing around that area to show me in a nonverbal way that she loves me as much as i love her.

spring:

i smile while gazing at myself in the mirror. i was currently wearing a gorgeous floral sundress that ended just above my knees. “not my fault” by reneé rapp was currently playing in my room and honestly, i felt really good. suddenly i hear a knock at the door and answer it immediately. i already knew it was natasha.

“hey baby. you almost ready?”

i watch as nat looks at me up and down. she smiles at me and suddenly starts kissing all around my face. her arms take their designated place at my waist and pull me closer to her.

getting my words through my giggles was so very hard.

“yea, im ready. you sure you don’t need me to help you with anything?”

“nope. everything is tied to the bike and ready to go.”

i pull away from nat, smiling. grabbing her hand i let her lead me to the elevator located on our floor. she presses the button designated for the garage and we are on the move downwards.

i look at the nature surrounding the compound through the glass of the elevator and find myself becoming entranced with it. the bright green trees and grass, the occasional family of deer making an appearance around the perimeter of the compound, the flocks of birds migrating back after a particularly cold new york winter.

i smile as i observe the beauty of nature. nature is one of the only stable things in our lives as humans. it always runs on a schedule and is never interrupted. nature doesn’t care if you suffered one of the worse losses in the winter, it always makes sure spring comes and everything brightens up.

life in general does not stop for us. everything around us is in constant motion and constantly changing, and it is up to us to keep up.

my thoughts are interrupted by the *ding* of the elevator. it scares me a little and i watch as the doors open.

nat walks ahead of me and we make our way over to her harley davidson motorbike. however, before we get on she grabs our helmets and hands mine to me. once her helmet is on and secure she sits herself down and i follow suit. i wrap my arms around her torso tickle her a bit. i hear her beautiful laugh as she swats my hands.

(reminder u should also b wearing protective gear when riding! didn’t write it in bc im a tad bit too lazy for my own good lol.)

nat then revs her bike. she slowly drives up to the garage doors, allowing them to open all the way up before she begins to pick up speed. honestly, the sensors on the garage doors are a nice detail. it made leaving easier.

we are then driving on the roads of new york. every once in a while i look back at the picnic basket located on the bike to make sure it doesn’t go flying. i notice we are on the highway then i realize we may be going farther than i thought.

i allow my head to rest on nat’s upper back. the soothing feeling of holding onto my lover, cruising in the streets, and the subtle vibrations of the motor slowly lulls me to sleep.

the next thing i know nat is patting my left thigh to wake me up. i slowly open my eyes and sit up before taking my helmet off. once nat realizes im awake she hops off the bike and grabs the picnic basket.

“morning sleepyhead.”

nat giggles at her own joke while i roll my eyes. i place my helmet on the opposite handle natasha had placed her own. she grabs my hand and helps me off the bike. i didn’t really need help considering the bike wasn’t very tall, but being the gentlewoman she was natasha had to help me with everything.

i continue holding nat’s hand while she leads me into the park we were going to have our picnic at.

the park is absolutely breathtaking. the trees vary in height but they all have a shade of vibrant green leaves among their branches and their bark is a rich shade of brown. the grass we were walking on was a beautiful shade of green as well. there were also a few patches of flowers in different spots.

nat stop and begins setting up the stuff once we reach a clearing. the clearing is located near a patch of daisies. i decide that while nat is setting up i would occupy my time by making a daisy chain for her.

i sit myself down near the daises and begin picking them. once i have finished picking the most perfect ones, i begin to make my daisy chain. the moment is perfection. the spring sun isn’t blazing but instead comforting, my hands are weaving the daises in a perfect rhythm, and the grass feels splendid under my dress-covered bum.

once i finish the daisy chain i get up and make my way back towards natasha. i see that she has just finished setting up our picnic, and so i sit down and keep the chain behind my back.

“i have a surprise for you.”

natasha looks up at me and raises her eyebrow.

“and what might that surprise be?”

“close your eyes.”

nat hesitates for a moment but eventually allows her eyes to close. i place the daisy chain onto her braid-free hair and then run my hands through her hair to ensure that it looks good and clean.

“okay, open your eyes.”

nat opens her eyes and i take her in. i take the moment in. the bright green grass covered by our red and white checkered blanket, the picnic basket’s contents scattered across the blanket. nat packed an extensive supply of our favorite foods. this included chocolate chip cookies, many many fruits, a chocolate bar and strawberries to create chocolate covered strawberries. she had also made us a cute breakfast of waffles and fried eggs.

the moment was perfect. exquisite, if you will. natasha look marvelous as well. her red hair was in it’s natural state; her slight waves laid just above her shoulders. she was in a white sundress that went down to her ankles. her pale skin was beginning to become sun kissed due to the seasons changing and the sun beginning to peek out more.

we were so entranced in the moment that we hadn’t even realized the sour weather that had begun to creep amongst us.

our moment is suddenly interrupted by a huge crack of thunder. the thunder is followed by an intense amount of rain soon after. natasha and i begin to giggle and laugh as we quickly begin to pack up our stuff. we rush as fast as we can towards the car but we are already drenched by the time we reach it.

“you know what, fuck it. nat drop your stuff. let’s dance!!”

nat looks at me like i have gone crazy.

“baby are you serious? it’s raining and thundering?”

i quickly place all the stuff im holding in my arms onto her motorbike. i grab nat’s stuff and place it onto the bike as well.

“fine. let’s dance.”

we both start laughing like young children. i excitedly grab both of my girlfriend’s hands and lead her back out to the clearing we collected our stuff from not even a minute earlier.

and so, we both begin to dance across the wet grass. at one point we had both kicked off our shoes. neither i or natasha had ever gotten the chance to be kids playing in we mud or dance in the rain. in a way we were both healing our own inner children.

as i stare into nat’s green eyes i begin to think about both of our upbringings and how we have even got to this point in time.

both of our childhoods were tragic. nat grew up in the red room, destined to be a spy. she had been for a while, until clint rescued her. i wasn’t so lucky. i actually did have quite a normal childhood until i turned six years old. my parents had gotten into some complicated business, and were eventually assassinated. one thing led to another, and i eventually got kidnapped by HYDRA.

suddenly im back in new york. right. im not longer that lost and scared six year old girl. im twenty seven years old now. im in love. im apart of a team now. im staring at the woman i’ve loved for the past six years.

“you okay?”

nat looks worried.

“i love you so much.”

my voice comes out wobbly and full of emotion. it’s because i truly love natasha. she saved me. i’ve found a reason to live for through her love and affection and care for me.

“oh, honey.”

she pulls me into her arms and suddenly we’re chest to chest. i begin to feel tears streaming down my face. judging from the sniffles reaching my ears, i can tell natasha is crying too.

we both stand there in the pouring rain taking each other in. we aren’t prisoners of our old lives anymore. she isnt a prisoner of the red room, and im not a prisoner of HYDRA.

we are just natty and y/n.

i feel my body fill with warmth, however this time it feels different. it isn’t from feeling shy or embarrassed, it’s from feeling the true love of natasha.

maybe things can get better.

summer:

“детка, we should go to the beach. only if you want to though.”

i look up from my book and over at natasha. we were both currently chilling out on our bed and just doing our own things. nat was currently laying on her stomach with her journal open.

“sure! right now?”

nat runs her hand through her hair.

“yea! i’ll bring everything to the car, you just focus on getting ready.”

i put my bookmark in my book and place i on my bedside table.

“im helping you.”

“but-“

“natasha.”

“okay, okay.”

~~

i loved nat and i’s spontaneous outings. it added a pop of fun to our dangerous and unpredictable lives. the fact we were able to be in control of these outings brought us both comfort and made us feel like we could actually have some jurisdiction over what we do.

i loved being the car almost as much as going out. all the windows were currently rolled down and my y/h hair was thrashing every which way. i knew once we left the car my hair would be one frizzy mess.

sometimes mess was okay. it made me feel human.

natasha rubs her thumb over my hand. i knew she only did this when she wanted to talk to me about something important.

“so, how are you feeling after the other day?”

i knew what she was referring to; my meltdown from the other day had been on her mind.

“i think i feel a bit better. thinking of maybe asking wanda for some help controlling my powers. im aware we have two entirely different kinds of powers but they might have the same concept. at least, that’s what i think.”

natasha squeezes my hand.

“im proud of you. it takes a lot of courage to ask for help like that. no matter how that goes with wanda, just know you are already so so strong for asking for assistance.”

nat pulls our hands up to her lips and kisses each of my fingers. she lets a small smile fall over her lips when she feels me warm up a bit.

~~

once we arrive at the beach i help natasha grab all of our things from the back of my white 2024 jeep wrangler. what can i say, im a basic girl. anyway, as we were walking across the hot sand i feel myself getting increasingly more excited about having a day at the beach. i always loved the beach, especially the ocean. it felt like my home.

while natasha set up the umbrella i began to assemble our chairs. as soon as i finished i quickly took off my jean shorts and begin applying my sunscreen.

nat finished constructing the umbrella not long after i applied my sunscreen to the lower part of my body.

i continued applying sunscreen to the top part of my body and face and looked at nat. she was already looking wt me with her beautiful forest green eyes.

“do-do you want some help applying your sunscreen?”

nat chuckles when she notices she’s made me nervous and nods her head. i spray the sunscreen onto her and allow her to rub it in on her own accord. i hand her the separate sunscreen bottle designated for her face.

once she’s done applying we both head on our way towards the ocean. my home. my refuge. it may seem weird, i mean a girl with pyrokinetic powers loving water? what a joke. but i mean, that’s me.

as we were stepping closer and closer to the blue ocean, i could feel the wet sand under my feet compacting with every step i took. it’s like i can feel each singular grain of sand underneath my feet.

the angry sound of the waves grew louder and i grew happier. i look over at nat and we both nod. we suddenly both start running into the ocean. we had this little race we always did before getting into the water. it allowed us to not think about how cold the bright blue water was.

once im around thigh-deep into the water i dive head first into the water. im lightyears in front of nat. i do one big push under the water with my arms before i allow myself to pop up to the surface. i jump as a wave approaches and look around for red-hair. i finally spot my beautiful girlfriend.

she’s not far behind, so i allow her to catch up a bit. i am at the point in the water where the lifeguard stands seem a little blurry due to the distance between us and them. once nat reaches my position i pull her into my arms.

she giggles as i begin to warm her up. the ocean was particularly cold today and i didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

i continue to hold nat as more and more waves approach us. eventually she decides to straddle my torso and wrap her arms around my shoulders. she looked etheral. the sun was hitting her in just the right light; her eyes were their regular forest green except i could see a bit of her lighter greens, her hair was a fiery red, and her skin looked marvelous.

if im being hinest, my girlfriend always looked etheral. even during lazy days at the compound she never fails to look like she had just fallen from the sky above.

"you're staring."

"cus you're gorgeous."

nat hides her face in my neck and i can feel her giggle a bit. i hold her a bit tighter to my chest and giggle with her. too easyyy.

i wish loving nat could be as easy as it is in this current moment. my powers aren't in the way, none of us are hurt or sick, we are just nat and y/n. unfortunately things will never be normal.

autumn:

i furiously rub at my cheeks trying to get the hot tears to stop flowing from my eyes.

i was currently sat on one of the many uncomfortable benches located in central park. across from me was a small lake, surrounding me were many leaves of all shades; orange, yellow, maroon, mahogany, red. the seasons were officially changing.

suddenly i think of nat. the reason i was out here crying and observing nature was because of an argument we had. things got out of hand and the next thing i know i was bolting out the door in just my pajama pants and a tank top. no phone, no sweater, just me. i didnt even need a sweater anyway.

i feel the tears coming more furiously as im reminded of the reason why our argument had ensued. we have had countless disagreements over my pyrokinesis, but not like this. never like this.

~~

“baby i just don’t think it’s working. im trying so so hard to control it but i just can’t!”

i was exasperated. nat was exhausted from a mission.

it was a recipe for disaster.

“well, maybe you’re not trying hard enough. wanda was able to control her powers which are much more intricate than yours.”

“stop comparing me to her! i get it, she’s perfect and amazing! you say it all the time. maybe you should go date her instead of me.”

a tense silence falls over both us. we were both standing up on opposite sides of our shared bed. the autumn sun coming in from the opened window currently felt like a burning heat instead of a comforting warmth.

nat has her jaw clenched and she’s looking over to the side. her singular dutch braid is messy and has little hairs sticking out of it. in the sun’s light it looks like it is illuminated.

“well? anything to say for yourself?”

natasha remains silent and instead just crosses her arms. i have no idea what she’s thinking, how she feels, what she wants to say. i don’t even recognize her at this moment. suddenly i feel hot tears making their way down my face. is this how our relationship ends?

“y/n, i would never break up with you. i never will. i promise. i just think we.. we need a break. just look at both of our own lives and our own goals for a bit and figure out if we’re the right thing for each other.”

i felt my heart break in my chest. a break? i dash out of the door. i feel like my lungs aren’t supplying me with air.

i rush to the elevator. i press the lobby button.

next thing i know i’m dashing to central park.

once i arrive i feel breathless. i can barely recognize anything around me. my breaths become short and shorter, there’s no air. since when was it this hard to breath?

suddenly im pacing back and forth on one of the abandoned trails and shaking my hands, trying anything to breath again. i have had a few panic attacks before, but this one felt different. this one was so so much worse.

i run my hand through my hair just to be met with knots. why doesn’t anything go my way? im so pathetic. my breathing is getting worse.

i need to calm myself down because nat isn’t here right now.

~~

eventually i did end up calming myself down, which leads me to where i am now. i had found my favorite bench right in front of my favorite pond. i was just thinking about my life.

maybe nat wasn't serious about this break? i mean, all couples have problems at one point in their relationship, right? who am i kidding. she's actually breaking up with me. and i presume that she's gonna go crawl to wanda. oh, how i envy wanda. she is so much stronger, prettier, and less hot-headed than me. literally.

i sigh as i look out at the pond. i watch as a group of absolutely stunning swans begun to glide over the dirty new york water. what a contrast. milk-white swans with orange beaks resembling the color of the beautifully pigmented autumn leaves surrounding me in a random visibly dirty pond in new york. i only really liked this pond because many cute little animals (birds especially) established their home here.

suddenly an unknown prescence joins me on my bench. i flinch when i realize they're a bit too close to me. i look at this unknown person through my peripheral, but i genuinely thought my eyes were playing an extremely curel joke on me.

"natasha?" i turn to face her fully.

"hey."

natasha gives me a sad smile.

"why.. why are you here? not that i mind, i just thought.. you know."

"yea, um.. about that. i had some time alone, and i wanted to say.."

the end of her sentence was completely incoherent, but yet i smirk. i had a bit of an idea what she wanted to say. i mean, why else would she be sitting here with me if she truly wanted a break?

"what was that? i couldn't quite hear you."

natasha rolls her eyes.

"i said i was wrong. i don't think we need a break. even though we were only apart for about an hour, i was miserable. i had no one to tease. no one to call atupid or tell them 'stop before you get hurt.'"

i laugh and immediately pull her into a bone-crushing hug.

nat hygs me back. maybe with nit as much force, but the thought is still there.

just before i speak, i hear nat continue talking.

"i also wanted to apologize for those things i said to you about wanda. i only really want you. no, you cannot control your powers as confidently as wanda can, but wanda cannot love me like you do. you give me a love like no other. i sincerely apologize."

i pull away from nat, and intertwine our hands.

"i wanted to apologize too. we both said things we don't mean, but this argument will make our relationship stronger. it will make us stronger. i love you."

"i love you too."

we share many sweet kisses until we head back to the compound.

a/n: first of all, i wanted to thank you guys so so so so sooooo much for the great turnout on overheated! i really wasnt expecting for many likes, nonetheless 300+!! you guys are amazing and i am so glad you enojy my writing! secondly, im so sorry this took so long!!! this week has been quite hectic for me and i was writing portions of this throughout the week. nonetheless, i hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy my writing!

p.s. would y'all be interested in me turning this story into nat x wanda x reader? 😏

taglist (comment to be added!): @idkwhatever580 @kkreader78o

[flagellant]

this might seem dumb and i promise im being genuine here. im just kind of fucking stupid and i would appreciate a little reassurance if you have the time

am i a bad person for not being able to reclaim queer?

i have a lot of trauma with the word and people using it for me without my consent is really triggering. my abusers used it and other words as slurs while they were hurting me. ive been trying really hard to get over it, i promise, but when it's used against me i still like... have panic attacks and flashbacks. other people using it for themselves doesn't do that to me, it's just when it's used toward me.

does not being comfortable with it being used on me make me a TERF? in the past people have taken "please don't call me queer" as "nobody should ever use that word" and even though im trans, theyve told me it's TERFy not to use it? i absolutely support other people reclaiming it and i really am trying to get over myself, but the panic attacks keep happening and now i'm paranoid that im a bad person for not being able to use it

I think the biggest frustration I have with this whole thing is that a narrative has been created where people would tell you yes, Anon, that you are a TERF and so on. And that's just not the case.

Even beyond the fact that words mean things and TERF doesn't just mean "transphobia on tumblr", the fact is that there are always going to be people whose experiences with a word will never be able to be reconciled. I've said throughout this whole thing: Every word we have ever had for ourselves is a slur, because they have all, always, been used as slurs against us.

And what I mean with that is not just "So fighting against queer as a term is therefore transphobic for this and other reasons".

What I also mean is "We need to be aware that there will never be a perfect word. There will never be a word which has been harmless. There is no point in trying to invent new terminologies to escape ongoing oppression, because those terminologies will just be used against us in the same way all others are."

Anon, you aren't a bad person for having traumatic experiences with being called a slur. The idea of that is ridiculous, and I'm as sorry you've been made to feel that way as I am angry at the people who said that to you. Barely better than your traumatizers if at all, all of them.

But I want you to also hear what I am telling you. You have faced experiences which were traumatic for you. This word is one which is a weapon that can always be used against you, right now, and it will never miss its mark. Traumas do not exist in a vacuum: you can't let it keep festering in you.

Because it's like I kept saying as well...if you allow your oppressors to have the language that can harm you, they will use it. Queer is a word you can't use for yourself right now. That's okay. You are not a bad person for that. But traumas can't go untreated. I'd recommend looking into mental health resources for LGBTQ+ people in your area. Therapy works. At its most basic level, therapy would give you the vocabulary you need to express how this is a trauma of yours, and might even be vocabulary which better helps you understand why it remains so harmful for you. I hope for your sake that you can one day make a decision for yourself on this word that isn't being controlled on a traumatic level for you, even if the decision you make is "I still don't like it for me". Hell, especially if that's the decision you make. What matters, Anon, is that you decide what words you want for yourself, and not the people who traumatized you deciding for you.

[outsideratheart]

Lucy bronze one where r doesn’t wanna her up for training some fluff. Thanks

I just want to take care of you (Lucy Bronze x reader)

Lucy had promised you she was fine and she said her knee was fine. This was a lie because 4 days after the Chelsea game your girlfriend was in the hospital having surgery.

Before now you trusted her explicitly and for the most part you still do. When it comes to her injury though, you didn’t believe a word that came out of her mouth. You attended every physio appointment and made notes of her progress. You knew what her road to recovery would entail and you knew when she would hopefully get the greenlight.

“Can I join you on your run?” Lucy was moping around the kitchen as you got ready.

“No Lucy, you can’t. You’re on track and I won’t be the reason that changes. I’m meeting Alexia afterwards so I’ll meet you at the training ground” you place a quick kiss on her cheek.

She hated lying to you about her pain and discomfort but she wanted to be the strong powerful person she knew you loved. The reason for the dishonesty was fear and she knew it.

You and Alexia were running a little bit late to training. By the time you get to the pitch, the whole team is already out there. The whole team including Lucy and Frido.

“Love, I know you miss it but you can’t be here. You haven’t been cleared yet”

“I have” Lucy was telling the truth.

“No you haven’t. You aren’t due for clearance until next month”

Lucy grabbed your hand and walked you over to where the physios were speaking to Jona.

“I told you she wouldn’t believe me. Please tell her”

The physios go on to explain how Lucy passed all her tests this morning and that they have cleared her for team training. When you question it they promised that they would keep an eye on her and monitor every move she made.

Training is normally your happy place but not today, today you were filled with worry. You were trying to focus on your own performance but your mind kept straying to Lucy and how she was playing. It was during one counter attack that things got intense. Mapi did a clean tackle and got the ball. Any other day you would praise her but with the speed Lucy was running down the wing, Mapi’s tackle sent her flying.

“Lucy!” You are by her side in seconds “medics!” You begin to panic but Lucy brushes the grass off her knees and stands up as if nothing happened.

“I’m fine, im fine”

There was that word again. Fine. She said that one before.

“Get checked out. If they say you are fine then you can continue”

“Y/N”

“Captains orders!” You snap. It wasn’t a malicious snap but one of concern.

Lucy does in fact get cleared but your head is all over the place so you sit out and watch the team strategically.

Very little is said on the way home and that doesn’t change once you are in your shared apartment.

“Here. Ice it. I’m going for a shower”

“No” Lucy takes the ice off you before pulling you over to the sofa “we are going to talk about what happened today”.

You let out a huff of frustration. You really didn’t want to talk about it, not while you were this worked up. You placed Lucy’s leg on the foot rest and make sure her knee was iced before you started talking.

“You got cleared ahead of schedule. You went down and I panicked. There, end of story”

“There’s more to it than that. You’ve seen me injured before, this time is different”

“Yes, it’s different. Last time you were honest with me. You told me when it got bad and we dealt with it together. This time you lied. You told me you were fine and then you were in the hospital again”

Seeing your girlfriend laying in a hospital bed was never a welcomed sight but this time things felt weird between the two of you.

“It was a small surgery. I didn’t want to worry you”

“Right because look how great that turned out”

“I’ll admit I could have handled it better but I didn’t want you to see me weak”

“Weak? Lucy you are one of the strongest people I know”

“But I wasn’t a few weeks ago. I was hurting and I thought the way for you to still see me as strong was to lie to you” Lucy tried to explain how her mind worked and her reasoning for withholding the truth.

“Let’s get one thing straight. Lying to me is never the answer”

“But—“

“No buts. I don’t like not trusting what you say Lucy. This” you run your hand over her knee and gently stroke her scar “is important and I want you to be honest with me about it. Please please be honest with me Lucy”

“From this moment on I will always tell you the truth, no matter what. Pinky promise” you hold her pinky finger out and waits for you to accept it.

You look at her as if weighing out your options. When you see the look of panic of Lucy’s face you know you’ve waited long enough. You hook your pinkies.

“Now, you said something about a shower” your girlfriend raises her eyebrows playfully.

“How about a bath instead” you suggest.

“Even better”

[thelov3lybookworm]

You Think I Wanted This? (Part 2)

Part 1

Summary: The wedding day has arrived.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: Ehehe im so excited for yall to read this aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

anyways, enjoy!

•○🌑○•

If there was one word that could describe the situation around the palace, it would be chaos. But ten times worse.

The time was flying by, and it was getting incredibly hard to keep herself from screaming in frustration. The anxiety building up in her, the worries... it was hard to focus on anything.

The wedding would take place today in the great hall in just a few hours, and Y/n could not stop the tremor in her hands.

The only thing that comforted Y/n was the fact that Cam was now present with her, in the Palace, having returned from Basgiath during the leave granted before his second year.

Due to being the son of the king, he had been granted some leniency so he could attend Y/n's wedding.

That, and the books Y/n was forced to read, being a healer.

All alone in her room now, all she could do was read through the boring texts again, because that was the only way she could stop thinking about the inevitable ruining of her life.

A knock startled Y/n, and she glanced at the small clock she kept on her desk, frowning when she realised there was still, at the very least, an hour until the maids came to get her ready.

Standing, she called out. "Yes?"

"May I come in?" The voice was unmistakably female, with the confidence of someone far older an experienced than the owner of the voice should have been.

Y/n walked over, opening the door a crack to find Violet Sorrengail waiting, her hair in a messy braid hanging over one shoulder.

Y/n blinked, then opened the door wider, letting her in.

"Sorrengail, what brings you here?"

Violet took a deep breath, letting the door fall shut behind her before speaking.

"Did you ask to be married to Xaden?"

Y/n blinked, taken aback. "Xaden? Why would I want to be married to him?"

Violet sighed, frustration evident in the dark circles under her eyes and the tension in her shoulders. Now that Y/n looked closely, she looked like she had not showered or had a meal in years.

"I- you were staring at him that day like- like you wanted him, and then right after the king announced your marriage and..." Violet took a deep breath, looking like she would have a panic attack any moment. And despite the fact that this girl was involved with Y/n's soon to be husband, that they had something going on, maybe even feelings involved, all Y/n felt was pity for her.

Y/n sympathised with the girl, but there was nothing Y/n could do to comfort her than give false words of hope.

"Look, Sorrengail, there is nothing I can do. I am sorry, I truly am, but I can't put a stop to this wedding, if that is what you are here for."

"But you didn't even try!"

Y/n crossed her arms, rubbing between her brows, realising Violet had been trying to hold in her emotions all along and she was not here for a friendly chat over tea.

"I know the consequences I would have had to bear for objecting, and the wedding would still have happened because no one goes against the king's words."

"You are his daughter! He would have-"

"And you are a grown woman, who, I hope, understands what consequences are. So I am not going to sit here and explain to you what would have happened if I'd done what I wanted to two hours before the betrothal takes place." Y/n glanced at the clock to make sure she had the right timing before turning towards the door, reaching out to clutch the handle.

"You didn't even try." All anger had dissipated from the rider's voice, and the tears in her eyes made her look like she was ready to fall to her knees and beg for Xaden to be freed.

Y/n clenched her eyes shut, knowing if she watched Violet cry, she would do end up doing something very stupid, and that something was definitely going to get her killed.

"I am sorry Violet, but there is nothing I can do other than to tell you to return, go to someplace that brings you peace, and stay away from the palace for atleast two days."

The fire of rage again lit up in Violet's eyes, and she stomped forward just as Y/n opened the door for her to leave.

"Fuck you." Violet cursed, and Y/n did not bat an eye at the words as she clicked the door shut behind her.

With a sigh, Y/n returned to her desk.

Not long after, someone again knocked on the doors, though this time it was the servants arriving to get Y/n dressed up all pretty for the ceremony.

Y/n let go of her textbook and let the attendants fuss over her, the mannerisms of a princess that had been drilled into her since she was born keeping her from complaining everytime they pulled her hair too harshly.

Kept her quiet even when the corset was too tight.

Kept her quiet even when all she wanted to do was cry and ask what the purpose of all this was.

•○🌑○•

Violet's pov.

The crowd was silent, watching the bride walk down the aisle who only had eyes for the groom. Some of the held appreciation for what the girl had managed to achieve, some held scorn in their hearts for her getting married to the son of a coward and betraying the kingdom.

Her eyes remained unwavering, her long hair running down her straight back, hands clutching at the small bouquet of flowers.

She was beautiful, Violet had to admit.

The groom too stared at the bride, his hands folded neatly behind his back, and though his expression remained neutral, his eyes spoke volumes about his happiness regarding this marriage.

At least the two of them knew nothing could come out of this marriage, and no one would be disappointed after the outcome turned out to be hatred.

The moment the bride took her position at the podium, the priest started speaking.

After long minutes of droning, the bald priest finally asked the question that the groom, bride and Violet all dreaded.

"Do you, Xaden Riorson, take Y/n Tauri, to be your wife?"

Violet's breath caught in her throat as she stared at the tense Lieutenant, who, if possible, tensed even more as he answered.

"I do."

"Do you, Xaden Riorson, swear to be loyal throughout this marriage to your wife?"

At that, Xaden jerked, his head turning a little towards where Violet was standing, but then he stopped himself and stared again at his to be wife.

"I do."

The princess blinked in confusion, and her eyes slowly swept the crowd as she searched for something.

Violet moved, trying to conceal herself behind the pillar she was standing next to.

Of course, the two girls met eyes before Violet could be successful.

Violet watched as exasperation and pity filled Y/n's eyes, and Violet lifted her chin in confidence she didn't feel.

"Do you, Y/n Tauri, take Xaden Riorson, to be your husband?"

Violet watched as the princess swallowed and spoke, no other sign of hesitation or anxiousness in sight. "I do."

"Do you, Y/n Tauri, swear to be loyal throughout this marriage to your husband?"

"I do."

The lack of hesitation almost made Violet feel bad, because the certainty that dripped from the princess's voice told Violet that even if Xaden continued to pursue Violet behind close doors, the princess would stay loyal to him.

Almost.

"I now pronounce you two married. You may kiss the bride."

Violet held Y/n's stare until Xaden was right in her face, and then she closed her eyes, and let him kiss her.

Violet turned away, walking out of the huge doors and making her way to the flight field near the palace.

She knew she should have heeded the princess's advice, but she couldn't stop herself from seeing him get married by her own eyes.

Even if the bride was not who Violet wished.

•○🌑○•

@artists-ally @riddlesb1tch

Xaden Taglist: @sidrapotter @anniiittttaa @pirana10 @harrystylesfan2686

[ihaveforgortoomany]

More thoughts on subtle nature of the Foundation exploiting its workforce and the people it saves

(Tw: Suicidal ideation mentioned here)

(I dont know to word this properly but looking at what Kakania chose at the end of anecdote marking the end of this particular arc of her character for now)

Im less looking at the nature of her therapy sessions (someone probably could look at that ans analyse the heck out of it) but the result and choice she makes after.

After leaving Isolde and reconiling the fact that right now, she cannot help Isolde and if anything distance between the two might be the best thing for the both of them. After all Kakania whether it was her intention or not contributed to Isolde's already worsening mental state and the only best solution right now is probably to leave her in this current blissful state/ dream.

As for Kakania? Already wrestling with the survivor's guilt of being the only recorded person to survive using the imperfect knot already weighs on her. Repeated panic attacks throughout the anecdote and the constant disassociation to the past as well. Sure she reconciles with the flaws in her methods and mindset, but what is the option given by the Foundation?

Join the expendable group of the History Guard (watchers I cant remember exactly) those jobs is to record everything happening in an era to keep field investigators informed at all times, and the way Greta described the job sounded like a high mortality rate.

Who would have even suggested Kakania the job? Certainly not Marcus, arriving at the end of her anecdote to invite Kakania to join Team TK, but Kakania initally choses to join the History Guard (its a situation where alot of Team TK members join branches in the Foundation, like Eagle with Lorenz and Edit its Windsong not Vila btw with the field investigators). Probably it was her psychiatrist who suggested the position. Which is worrying since Kakania clearly has suicidal ideations (the shard of the broken mirror and "being washed away is a just punishment for all my sins"). Why suggest a job that actively enables these ideations?

Ever notice that the colleagues of the psychiatrist she mentions also have continue working? Even if you are saved by the Foundation the immediate next step is to hire the individual, eventually even if they might fully recover from the shock of the Storm.

Its concerning that Kakania right now views her suffering as atonement for Vienna, now the Foundation hands her the job that could ensure it. The main method of the Foundation is control, over some perceived greater good in stopping the Storm, everything else falls to the wayside if it doesnt benefit the Foundation's goals.

Its not new to us for the Foundation to hire people saved from the Storm, but it is concerning that working for the Foundation is presented as the only option (why ofc you may say, they need more people to stop Manus and the Storm), but its the notion that this is the ONLY option. You cant really escape working for them, in that case you probably would be thrown to face the Storm and get reversed.

Its good that at some point Kakania does join Team TK (as evident in Vertin greeting her at the end of her trailer), maybe there she could actually heal; because with the Foundation it is only going to continue enabling that self guilt until something happens.

Summary: the Foundation traps those its save into a loop, the only option is to work for them, even if people are given therapy it seems to also double as a means to employ them as well.

[lovexjoe]

Make a vampire smut where Armando kidnaps the reader

A/N: This is the 3rd request for vampire Armando and I got y’all 😫

Synopsis: Vampires can imprint 😌 Armando didn't realize what happened during a shootout when he first saw you. His heart stopped, the world slowed down and all his thoughts were consumed by you. A mix between vampires from twilight and vampires from tvd

It’s been 2 weeks since you’ve been trapped in this house with Captain’s killer. It probably had to do with the fact that Mike and Marcus made you tag along on a mission when you were suppose to be dropped off at home. Uncle Marcus had ONE JOB. Pick you up from class and drop you home, but no. With the discovery of Mike having a warlock son, you got caught in between everything. There was something odd about Armando. He made sure you had food, clothes and let’s you shower etc. He lets you roam around the house during the day time. At night though? He locks you in the basement. He was gone as soon as the sun set. He was handsome even you could admit that. It was a bit distracting since you got here, sometimes you couldn't help but stare at him. It was 9pm and you were insanely bored. You tried your luck by opening the basement door, to your surprise: it opened. Maybe this is your chance to escape? What was even out there? You looked out the window to see you were in the middle of nowhere and decided that it’s probably best to find a phone. Taking a risk in the forest is probably not the best way to survive. You rummage around the kitchen to see if you could find any device that you could use to contact your Uncle but no.

After 10 minutes of trying to search around you decided to give up. Yes you were kidnapped, but you weren't technically in danger. He is Mike's son after all he was probably just keeping you as leverage. You opened the fridge to grab some water and your heart stopped. No fucking way You heard Uncle Marcus and Mike talking about Isabel being a witch, but what in the entire fuck did she do to her son?!? The fridge was stocked up with blood bags, a few had a bite marks you didn't even want to identify. No....FUCK no. No wonder he was taking care of you, he was preparing me for dinner! You saw this bullshit on tv, but you didn't think it was actually true. You backed straight into someone and let out the first scream since you been kidnapped. Armando covers your mouth, his eyes a golden yellow with bloody veins. You were trying not to have a panic attack.

"Just relax. I was going to tell you." He slowly removes his hand from your mouth and honestly you should be heading for the fucking hills but your feet was planted in place.

"Why?!" If you were in his position you would've kept this to yourself. He constantly scans your face when he's talking to you as if he's trying to read your mind. Well I hope the fuck he can't cause I've thought some unholy shit and now im thinking of killing him!

"My mom did this to me. I don't think my dad realize that she was a vampire as well. We...we imprint on people whose suppose to be our soulmates. When I saw you during the shootout, I imprinted on you and I just took you away from everything" He leans against the island, looking at you. Wishing he could read you, but for some reason he can't.

So that confirms that you weren't leverage, but you were actually kidnapped cause he likes you. Hm. Do you scream now or later?

"If you come any closer I'll kill you!" You stated as you move quickly trying to find a way to escape. He appears in front of you and you slam full force into his chest. You grabbed a vase and threw it at him causing it to shatter all over the floor. You looked for the largest piece and cut yourself horribly trying to pick it up. You start to panic as he holds your hand filled with blood. He's gonna kill me, he gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me. He rips his shirt, creating a bandage to wrap your wound tightly. Your head starting to feel a little funny.

'A-armando I don't feel good" After that sentence you passed out into his arms.

Armando POV.

Sigh. I can't read her mind at all. She is the only person I have ever come across that I can't read her mind. Being a vampire is a curse and a blessing. The only reason I've been such a successful drug dealer is because I know what the other person is thinking. Always a step ahead, but with her? With this stupid imprint, I am lost for the first time. I find myself caring. I find myself wanting her. This shit is pathetic. During the shootout my first thing after imprinting was getting her away from the danger. Sure having her as leverage was a bonus, but now that she is under my watch I am not letting her go.

She passed out in my arms, I laid her down in my bed for the first time instead of the basement. Cleaning her wound, her blood smelled divine, I fought myself from taking a little taste. My body wouldn't be able to control itself and I'd feel too guilty if I were to hurt her. I tuck her in bed, sitting in the lounge chair in front of my bed, trying my hardest to read her mind. What could she be thinking of? ...fuck...

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　

The next morning you were sat on the barstool at the kitchen island. Armando was cooking breakfast. You admired his biceps in his white tank top. Your hand feeling a slight sting from last night's incident. You didn't mean to cause such a wreckage, but apart of you felt happy he took care of you last night. Waking up in his scent, under his covers did something to your core. He's leaving his mark on you and he hasn't even touched you. He's a vampire for god sake. You wanted to speak, but you couldn't find the words. After your steaming hot shower, Armando cleaned up your wound once again. Seeing you wrapped up in just a towel, your hair wet, body radiating coconut vanilla: it took his entire being not to touch you. You wanted him to touch you. It felt wrong but you wanted it.

"Armando.....I want you to kiss me" You blurted out. He turns around looking at you surprised. He turns off the stove, picking you up and carrying you over to his bed. You pulled him in for a sinful kiss. His lips are so soft. Where the fuck was this coming from? Yes you felt this, but it was wrong. Your mouth and body was already doing things before you could even think. Is he controlling you!?

Before you could even process a thought, clothes were ripped completely off and you were on top of him. His size was the biggest you ever came across, but you held him close and you rode him.

"Y/N" He moans out, his golden eyes drunk with lust as he guides your hips on top of him.

"B-bite me" You moaned out. He shook his head, he didn't want to ruin this moment by hurting you. You started to bounce up and down faster on his length.

"Bite me please! I want it!" You cried out, close to your orgasm already. In an instant, his teeth sinks into your shoulder and you let out a gasp.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

You jumped out of your sleep, sweating profusely. A set of golden eyes staring back at you seductively. Out of breath you looked around the room realizing it was still dark out, you still had on the same clothes from last night....

It was a dream....

[strayheartless]

Not to project my immediate struggles onto my faves or anything but…

The hardest thing Genesis Rhapsodos has ever done is not dealing with degradation. It’s writing his Masters Dissertation for classical Literature.

I can just imagine the whole ordeal is just one big never-ending assembly line of predicaments.

Angeal being the one who has to keep reminding him to do it.

Sephiroth unhelpfully pointing out that procrastination is counterintuitive. Which leads to Genesis launching himself across the table at him.

Angeal being the one to de-escalate his stress related Sephicide attempts.

Sephiroth thinking he’s being helpful by pointing out mistakes over Gens shoulder.

Angeal having to drag Genesis away to calm down.

Sephiroth asking him if he got anything done today?

Genesis having a panic attack because “no, I didn’t. I stared at inane Moogtube videos instead,”.

Sephiroth reminding him how many he days he has left to complete the task every morning.

Angeal having to wipe up Sephiroth’s nose blood from the kitchen floor.

Genesis waking up in the middle of the night to cry, panic, cry and then get cuddled and told he can do it.

Sephiroth telling him certain sections of his argument seem convoluted in places.

Angeal having to help him untangle the barrel brush Gen attacked him with from his hair.

Genesis needing to inform his dissertation tutor that “please hold, my heart is trying to escape my chest” because he got stuck in overwhelmed paralysis for four weeks and has achieved nothing.

Sephiroth suggesting he let this one go.

Genesis unexpectedly bursting into tears over it.

Angeal makes Seph apologies for insinuating Genesis couldn’t manage it.

Genesis finally getting into the flow two weeks before.

Sephiroth having to rescue Angeal from Genesis’ rage when he decides to clean and keeps coming in and out of Gens bedroom.

It getting handed in with the sentiment “I don’t fucking care anymore I’m over it!”

Angeal and Sephiroth watching him panic for the next three weeks while somebody far away takes forever to mark his dissertation.

Genesis repeating that he doesn’t care. He does, in fact, care.

Genesis passing.

Angeal and Sephiroth being proud of him.

Genesis saying “Im never doing that Again!!”

Him doing it again.

Am I projecting? Oh, 100% yeah. Only difference is Im not doing it again!

[tatteredtoby]

so incredibly sleepy. But. Ftm reader (Highschool au) with unsupportive parents x Simon (theater/theatre au as well)

A Panic/Anxiety attack will be described, so will transphobia and very uncomfortable sensations. Self misgendering, as well. (This is targeted towards myself!) If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to click the back button.

Angst that turns into fluff

Agluff!

You had bought a binder without your parent’s permission, and had been keeping it in the dressing room for the show. It was opening night, and you were playing a male character. Nothing could go wrong. You felt the adrenaline pumping, you were shaking out of excitement, then you remembered, your parents would be in the crowd that night.

Your chest starts heaving. Your vision blurs after it darts around. You land on the ground, backing into a set piece and hiding behind it. The happy shaking turns to terror induced shaking.

Your director yells out “5 minutes before show people!” Before noticing you. Oh Ms. Emily. She was so incredibly supportive. She gasps as she notices you, since you startled her with your heavy breathing.

She shuffles out onto stage, taking center and facing the audience.

“We have a small problem backstage. The show will be held back a few minutes, I am very sorry for this inconvenience.”

SMALL????

This was not small. Your world was closing in on you. It felt like Jell-O or Oobleck was being poured over you, or you were being cemented into a wall against your will. The binder only made it worse. It tightened around your armpits and sucked in your chest, which made the caving feeling worse. You fiddled with your costume before throwing off the excess pieces.

You barely notice the tall stature coming into view before you’re pulled out of deep water by two costumed hands.

“Hey, hey, im here, it’s me. It’s Simon. What’s wrong, can you say it or is it too much to talk about?” He gently utters, kneeling closer to you.

You barely babble out, “‘s too much..” Before your vision starts to go in and out. He notices. You’re swaying too much for it to be your normal rocking. He latches his hands onto you and pulls you into his chest, like a life raft after drowning at sea for centuries.

“I’m right here. It’s okay. Your parents won’t even notice. You can tell them that it was a casting issue, and you were just cast because of how they liked your auditions performance, alright?” He whispers, rubbing your back very gently.

“I gotcha. I gotcha.” He mutters, holding you closer to him. It feels like this hold is meant for a wounded dog, not a 17 year old gir-boy.

He cups your face like he would a wounded pigeon. He’s got eyeliner on. Specifically on his waterline. His cheeks are dusted with powdered blush. His arms are covered in black cloth, specifically for his role as a Crow. The entire show was written by you, only taken up by Ms. Emily and practically blocked by you in its entirety. You played Satans Cat. (Two little city animals who are a contrast difference to eachother go on a journey that changed them forever, or smth. Idk. Sleepy.) He wore big wings with straps on his thumbs to keep in place. You wore cat ears and a tail. You felt so good in your costume. You had many costume pieces to hide your chest, and you just looked so boyish all around.

“You alright now?” He asks, tone in his voice evident he’s trying to hide the fact he noticed you glancing for a prolonged period of time.

“Yea. I’ve got some time..I’ll go splash my face with water.”

“You’ll be alright, Felid.”

“That I will be, Corvus.”

————————————————————————————

very sleepy atm. I’m projecting as well. Felid comes ffrom the name for cat in fancy. Look up cat. And for “Corvus” look up Crow. I don’t got time to explain it.

Cramps kicking me in my stomach ballsack. This some bullshit.

[theosconfessions]

Hello it's me and I'm in your "Asks" ☺️

What/who made you come to simblr and what/who made you stay?

omg i love this one. LOVE this one. so i just came back to tumblr last year. i dont think ive even been back for a whole year yet. but before that i did have another one that started off in 2012 as a sims 3 tumblr called klauseconfessions. but what MADE me start it is one day i was scrolling through tumblr looking for cc. and i was just a lurker but i came across leiland by my good friend @gloomymoood and i was like k im signing up lol.eden and i became good friends <3 and still are. in fact she is a big reason i even know how to use blender in the first place haha! who also taught me discord to keep my characters straight bc im an old lady sometimes haha. i love her and she makes beautiful sims and you guys should take a peak over there if you havent already. she also made jamis girlfriend and someone whos yet to be introduced <3 shes amazing. ill sing her praises. and back then it was crazy i lost friends over ships before but edens always been my steadfast and i just love her to bits.

what made me come back was i missed everyone. i missed sharing with everyone. i missed writing with daisie [dustins creator] i missed reading what you guys wrote. theres nothing that sparks my creativity up like seeing you guys on my dash.ive been in and out this week so youll have to forgive me. its a strange mental health weak. i have panic attacks and theres things that happened that if i dont regulate myself ill go insane :) BUT none the less. i love seeing you guys on my dash. and i really do feel like youre all my friends.

i have some talented friends. <3

[kidrauhlschik]

4. Tangled Memories - Lee Know AU

Post Traumatic Amnesia (PTA) is a transient state of confusion, disorientation and memory loss that occurs immediately following a traumatic brain injury. PTA is sometimes also referred to as post traumatic confusional state and can occur from the moment of injury until the return of continuous memory.

The accident was a tragedy.

But it was the best tragedy to ever happen to you.

-

-

Final Part - See pt 1, 2, & 3 on the Masterlist linked above

Warnings: angst, f!reader, enemies to lovers, drunk driving, gaslighting, Fighting, yelling, cursing, angst, heartbreak, lies, angst, accidents, not proofread, minho is mean, lmk if I missed anything!!

Words: 2.2k

-

You find the note the next morning and immediately crumple it up and throw it in the trash. Since when has Minho been so sentimental and needy?

You can understand that he's over whatever rivalry he two of you used to have, but you're not. Up until the day before, you thought Minho was good, perfect even, but opening your eyes and remembering all of the awful things he's made you deal with made things so much different.

For starters, you can't believe that you trusted him. He's just as manipulative and sneaky as he's always been. He took advantage of your vulnerable state and made you depend on him. He would have been okay with you dying that day and all of the sudden he's not.

Yet, he also coaxed you down from your panic attacks, he made sure to always available for when you needed him, he stayed with you around the clock when you were injured. Thing is, you wouldn't have gotten injured if it wasn't for him.

The back and forth is overwhelming so instead of pondering on the fact you go to check your phone, which probably made things even worse.

Chris: He told me. Im so sorry. Its all my fault.

Innie: Wanna talk? I heard what happened.

Seungmin: I can't believe you didn't tell us you were remembering stuff.

Hyunjin: I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark. We need to talk.

Lix: Hey wanna come over? I can make us brownies and we can talk things out.

Changbin: Are you okay?

Jisung: Minho is really sorry. I am too. We all are. Can we talk it out?

Chris: Please?

Not wanting to deal with everything right now, you shut your phone off and begin your day. It's time to clean up and enroll in classes again. You should probably catch up with your other friends as well, you'd been very distant because you were always hanging out with Minho. It's best to keep busy and avoid thinking about that snake.

Tragically, as snakes would have it, Minho manages to slither his way inside your thoughts on a regular basis for the next month. As much as you hate it, you couldn't help seeing him in everything. He was in your sheets, in your kitchen, next to you on the couch, in the park, in the flowers, and in the sunset. Everything reminded you of him, every version of him, the bad and the good, and you're not sure which one you prefer.

Classes were to start in a week, through your circumstances, the school was able to let you enroll late to your classes, but you were now a year behind. There's so much to catch up on, yet your brain allows something to distract you from your studies, and that something is always Minho. He hasn't made an effort to make contact with you, which reassures you that whatever he had going on was all made up in his head. Maybe it was all a moment of hysteria.

The hysteria felt awfully real to you though. You can't help but doubt yourself and ask if the sleezy, ignorant, cold Lee Minho actually felt something for you, or if you felt something for him. That's why it's better to keep busy rather than to sit and ponder.

Chris: Wanna come over? It'll just be me and Jisung :)

You had forgiven the guys awfully quickly for your predicament. You could see why they'd put Minho in that situation in a moment of anger, they didn't even know that you were remembering your past, and although you wished they would have stepped up more to impede the shit show that happened with Minho, you can tell that they're sorry. They're your best friends after all, but you were still keeping them at an arms distance for the time being. Except for Hyunjin. He always encouraged you to chase after Minho and you couldn't help but too feel betrayed at that. No one else pushed you into his arms but Hyunjin did, and who knows? Maybe if he hadn't, you could've remained civil with Minho instead of playing house.

When you walk inside of Chan's dorm, the smell of warm pizza welcomes you like a warm hug.

"Hey! How are you?" Jisung asks from the couch beside Chan.

"I'm good, thank you." You offer a small smile in return as you take off your coat to lay it on the nearest clean, flat surface.

The place is a mess, there a cups everywhere, the trash is overflowing, and the entire floor had become a laundry basket. "I don't keep you guys in check for a year and all of the sudden your place becomes a pigs den?" You laugh while sprawling yourself on Chris' couch, throwing your legs over Jisung.

"Hey! It wasn't us, it was -" Jisung gets cut off by Chan discretely pinching his leg under the blanket. The younger winces but remains silent.

"Yeah, Jisung's been a mess lately." Chris smiles apologetically.

"Haha. Yeah, sorry." Jisung adds.

You couldn't help but feel as if they were hiding something, but before you could question them, the front door swings open.

"Jisung. What the hell do you want? I was in the middle of practice." The second Minho spots you, he freezes like he did before. Loss for words, he just stares at you as if he'd seen a ghost. He wants to walk out and get as far away from you as he can, but he also wants to run up to you and hold you in his arms. He wants to apologize over and over again, he wants to beg for your love, but he knows better than to think that you'd accept him.

You immediately hop off the couch, quickly on guard, wishing that he wasn't standing in front of you. Seeing him in your memories was very different than seeing him in real life. He looked thinner, tired, and restless. The Minho you had been seeing for the past year looked happy and healthy. Now he was drowning in his hoodie, his hair was messy, and his expression read exhaustion. You couldn't help the worry that seeped its way into your brain.

"What are you doing here?" You ask.

"I live here." Still staring at you in shock, unfortunately, it seemed that he'd gotten even better at hiding his emotions.

"What about your place?"

"I got kicked out for not maintaining the place while I lived with you."

Was he implying that this was your fault?

"You never had to live with me in the first place." An argument. Something you were both so used to, now caused an ache in both of your chests. Your words catch at the base of your throat, and Minho doesn't even have the energy to argue.

Minho finally takes his eyes off of you, scanning the area, looking at the mess he'd made at his friends dorm. The past month had been hell for him. He kept on beating himself up anytime he had a second alone with his thoughts. The only good thing he had done since he left your place was joining the school's dance team, hoping that doing something he enjoyed could take his mind off of you. He was wrong. Every time he showed up to practice, he remembered that you were the only reason he was doing this, not giving up on his dream. He was undereating and overworking himself to the bone, which was not the healthiest coping mechanism but the other option was to rot away in the couch.

He nods and makes a move to turn away, leaving the dorm again.

"Don't walk away Lee Minho!" He pauses his steps but doesn't turn around.

"You wanted me to leave."

"It's not that easy! I don't know what I want okay? I'm in shambles. I want you to leave, but I want you to come back right after. I want you to cry but it hurts to see you in pain. I trust you but I hate you. Worst of all I love you, but I don't even know what's real anymore." You throw your arms up in desperation, not even realizing that Jisung and Chris had left the area long ago. "I just want to know what's real."

Minho finally turns to look at you with an expression that can best be read as indignation. Or was it desperation?

"You want to know what's real? The real thing is that I want to know every part of you, every scar, every bruise, I want to trace the map of you! All of you and every thing about you. My fingers a compass, and your freckles the constellations that I will chart in my heart. That way, when I close my eyes I'll have you in my stars forever, because guess what? You're already in everything else! You're in the sun, in the air, and in my reflection. I'm drowning in the memory of you and the worst part is that I can't even see you!" Minho walks towards you but you stay frozen in place.

"It's never been the way you looked, it was always the way you were. You were like me, both broken and angry. It wasn't until I saw you behind the walls and I was able to see you bare. I would have fallen in love with you with my eyes closed, but I never could because we never allowed each other the chance. You told me that you didn't want to be the shell of who you are, so why can't you let yourself be happy?" He's face to face with you know, a mere couple of feet apart. He was no longer loud, but more so calm. His plea turning into a confession.

"From the moment I saw you making a fool of yourself in that park, I knew that you were worth the broken heart. Finish breaking my heart, and you'll find yourself inside. I'm sorry, but I'll never find the right words for you. You are my everything, always, and even that is not enough."

"Minho stop." Somewhere in the middle of his speech, your eyes decided to betray you and tears were now freely streaming down your face.

"I'm glad I found you, the real you, because before you, I never knew what to wish for. Want me to be honest?" He laughs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm terrified of letting you in. I'm scared to see myself more clearly through your eyes, wondering if I'm good enough. I already lost you, but the truth is that not having you scares me more than all the other truths of love. So please, look at me in the eyes and tell me that I'm not being real right now."

He's mere inches away from you, searching for an answer on your face.

So many thoughts but no clear answer runs through your mind, you're just overwhelmed by his confession, the situation, his mere presence, is not letting you think clearly whatsoever. So you break eye contact and make a bee line for the door. While holding the door knob, you stop and say your last words.

"Sorry Minnie."

Minnie.

The one term of endearment that Minho allows to give him hope.

-

Of course on the first day of class you'd be running late. You hated being late and the stress of studying is weighing heavy on your shoulders. How could the morning be any worse?

Luck is a funny thing though. Just when you think things couldn't get worse, they always do.

You bump into someone that simply continues walking, making you drop all of your notecards and papers on the floor. You immediately bend down to begin collecting everything, but there is so much going on around you. People playing around, others trying to find a seat, and more reuniting with their friends after the summer. So much people, so many noises, this is why you're never late to anything. The stress begins to build even more, to the point where your hands begin to shake, needing to move faster in order for you to find your own seat.

His hand comes out of nowhere. Body shoving away the people that were stepping on your stuff, rushing to pick everything up to help you. He hands everything he collected in a neat pile and you cautiously take it. He then turns to the nearest desk on his left, grabbing two coffees and handing you one.

"Hey, I'm Lee Minho. Looks like we're in the same class. Wanna sit together?"

Starting from where you left off was messy, but maybe starting from the beginning wouldn't be so bad. It will take time, but it might be worth it. If everything was real, it will definitely be worth it and more.

"I'm Y/N. I'm down, but I have to warn you, I can be a bit mean at times."

He laughs and hovers a hand on your lower back to guide you to the two empty seats next to each other.

"I wouldn't change that for the world." He gives you a small smile that could also be a smirk. He had the audacity to be cocky?

Despite that, you can't help the little ray of sunshine that warms you from the inside.

“I hope you mean that Lee Minho.”

“I always mean what I say.”

-

A/N: okay, i am not in love with the ending but honestly if it was up to me, i would've ended it on the last chapter. I'm trying something new w happy endings. Thank you so much for reading!!

TAGLIST: @stanstraykidsskz @weareapackofstrays @linos-kitten @cassidymb121

[cyberdragoninfinity]

With your latest ask about the Dimension Swap AU, my brain is going into 'Brain Rot Mode' about it and now I gotta know Yugo's whole deal in it. The phrase "deeply unsocialized animal" is a string of words I've never heard before but will be using in my own character creations now. Yugo is clearly going through it when Rin beats his ass and has no idea what to do with that.

(I also want to know how Yuya's and Yuto's dynamic is in this AU. Yuya gives off the vibes of a frightened pitbull. Will rip your hand off if pushed, but really just wants to cuddle.)

TELL ME ABOUT IT WE'VE HAD THESE GUYS EATING OUR BRAINS SINCE MAY!!!

ok so i started talking about Yugo's Whole Deal but it was getting bigly long-winded so I had to make a separate post about him specifically--you can find that over HERE. my scary jock <3 he is indeed deeply unsocialized!! mind your fingers, this dog bites!!!

anyway re: yuto and yuya, hehe i wouldnt say yuya's like anything close to a pitbull he's more like. hm, if a soggy paper towel had the ability to occasionally and violently turn into a pipe bomb. he's a wet baby raccoon someone found in a storm drain. he was forced to eat cement when he was 6. etc etc. meanwhile standard!yuto is out here internalizing yusho's 'smile when you feel like crying' rhetoric in the form of keeping himself chivalrous and 'noble' at all times and never complaining so youve really got the push and pull of "extremely emotional all the time" and "keeping "cool" to a borderline harmful degree." (dont worry about yuto bottling up all his emotions im sure it's fine.) (im sure!!!)

xyz!yuya doesn't have many friends (and one of them ohhhh you know gave the ok for the invasion that blew up his home so. thats not great. 😬) so he kind of gloms onto Yuto's friend group (rin and gong) like his life depends on it. and i think early on his dynamic with Yuto is kind of shaky, but I was just talkin about this with zxal and there's definitely this element where Yuya's much more Heart on His Sleeve Emotions kind of helps get Yuto get back in touch with, yknow. Crying. Letting One's Self Embrace Negative Emotions. so it takes a bit but I like the idea that they eventually get more in sync and become actual friends (this in turn making up for Yuya traumadumping at Yuto and then immediately dying and getting soul-absorbed and then having about 14 panic attacks in Yuto's brain.)

(though by that point things are not helped by the fact there's a whole third other guy in the yuto mind palace (yuri) 🥴 but they'll work it out)